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Suicide Awareness Month: Why We Need to Stop Being Afraid to Say the Word “Suicide”
Talking about suicide can feel frightening, but avoiding the word can make it harder for someone to open up. For Suicide Awareness Month, I explore how to ask about suicidal thoughts directly, what to do if someone says yes, and how counselling can help.
SUICIDE AWARENESS AND PREVENTIONMENTAL HEALTHDEPRESSIONOVERWHELM
Jessica Reynolds MBACP
9/8/20265 min read
Suicide Awareness Month is an opportunity to have conversations that can feel frightening, uncomfortable and difficult - but that genuinely matter.
One of the most important things I want people to understand is this: We shouldn't be afraid to say the word suicide.
If you're worried about someone, you might find yourself avoiding the word because you're scared you'll upset them. Maybe you're worried you'll make things worse, or perhaps you've heard the myth that asking someone whether they're thinking about suicide could somehow put the idea into their head. It doesn't. Sometimes asking the question directly can give somebody the opportunity they've been waiting for to tell you how they're really feeling.
Does asking someone about suicide put the idea into their head?
This is probably one of the biggest fears people have when talking about suicide. Research has found that asking someone directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase suicidal thoughts or cause someone to become suicidal. If someone isn't thinking about suicide, asking the question isn't suddenly going to make them suicidal.
But if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts, hearing somebody else say the word can be incredibly important.
Imagine carrying something frightening around in your head but feeling unable to tell anyone. Then someone you trust says: “I'm worried about you. Are you thinking about suicide?”. Suddenly, you don't have to find the words yourself - the other person has shown you that they are willing to talk about it.
Why should I ask directly?
When we're frightened by the possible answer, it's very easy to ask indirect questions:
“You're not going to do anything silly, are you?”
“You're not thinking of doing anything stupid?”
“You're going to be okay, aren't you?”
Although these questions may come from a place of genuine concern, think about the message they could unintentionally send:
"Please tell me you're okay".
Instead, try something simple and direct: "I've noticed you don't seem yourself lately and I'm worried about you. Have you been thinking about suicide?”
You don't need to whisper the word or find the perfect phrase. You don't need to be a therapist to ask. Being direct can communicate something powerful: "You can tell me the truth. I'm not going to run away from this conversation".
Suicidal thoughts don't always look how we expect.
We sometimes have an image of what a suicidal person should look like. Perhaps we imagine somebody who cannot get out of bed, has stopped working or is visibly distressed. But emotional distress isn't always visible.
Someone can be experiencing suicidal thoughts and still go to work. They might laugh with you, post photographs on social media, make plans, look after their children, answer “I'm fine” when you ask how they are. That's why we can't always judge somebody's internal experience by how they appear externally.
If something doesn't feel right, it's okay to check in.
Shame can keep people silent.
Another important part of talking about suicide is understanding shame. Someone experiencing suicidal thoughts may already be judging themselves for feeling that way. They might think:
Why can't I cope?
Other people have it worse.
My family would be devastated if they knew.
People will think I'm attention-seeking.
I should be grateful for what I have.
That shame can make an already painful experience incredibly isolating. And when everyone around them is also frightened to say the word suicide, it can unintentionally reinforce the feeling that this is something that shouldn't be spoken about. Talking about suicidal thoughts requires enormous vulnerability.
So if somebody trusts you enough to tell you, how you respond matters.
What if someone tells me they're experiencing suicidal thoughts?
If someone opens up to you about suicidal thoughts, it can be difficult to know what to say. You might feel frightened, overwhelmed or worried about saying the wrong thing. You don't need to have all the answers.
Sometimes, what matters most in that moment is that the person feels heard and taken seriously. Being able to talk openly about suicidal thoughts without immediately being met with judgement, panic or shame can make an incredibly vulnerable conversation feel a little less frightening.
It can be tempting to reassure someone quickly or focus on all the reasons they have to live. While this may come from a place of love and concern, it can sometimes make it harder for someone to express just how difficult things have become. Instead, there can be value in simply making space for what they're telling you.
And importantly, you don't have to carry the responsibility alone. If somebody is struggling with suicidal thoughts, professional support is important, and helping them connect with appropriate support can be part of taking what they've shared seriously.
If there is an immediate concern for someone's safety, urgent or emergency support should always be sought.
You don't need to fix someone's pain to show them that you're willing to hear it.
What happens next?
Having the conversation doesn't mean you have to know exactly what to do afterwards. The next step is about helping that person access appropriate support.
That could mean encouraging them to contact their GP, mental health services or a counsellor. You might offer to sit with them while they make a phone call or help them work out who they feel able to contact.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts and needs urgent mental health support, contact NHS 111 and select the mental health option to be connected with appropriate local support. You can also contact your GP surgery for an urgent appointment. If someone is in immediate danger, has attempted suicide, or cannot keep themselves safe, call 999 or attend A&E.
Samaritans can also be contacted free on 116 123, 24 hours a day.
You aren't expected to manage somebody's suicidal crisis by yourself.
What if I'm the person experiencing suicidal thoughts?
Maybe you've found this article because some of this feels familiar. Perhaps you're exhausted or things have felt unbearable for a long time. Maybe you don't fully understand why you're feeling the way you do.
You don't have to wait until things become worse before telling somebody. There is no shame in needing support.
How can counselling help with suicidal thoughts?
Counselling can provide a confidential, non-judgemental space where you can begin talking honestly about what you're experiencing.
You don't need to pretend you're okay. You don't need to protect your counsellor from difficult feelings.
Sometimes suicidal thoughts develop alongside depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, relationship difficulties, loneliness, low self-esteem, burnout or overwhelming life circumstances.
For some people, suicidal thoughts can be connected to wanting unbearable emotional pain to stop rather than a straightforward desire to die. Counselling gives us space to explore what is underneath those thoughts.
Together, therapy can help you understand what has brought you to this point, recognise triggers and patterns, develop ways of managing overwhelming emotions and begin considering what needs to change.
Counselling isn't about somebody telling you to “look on the bright side”. It's about having somewhere you can speak honestly - including about the thoughts you're frightened or ashamed to say out loud.
Let's say the word suicide.
This Suicide Awareness Month, I want to encourage people to become a little more comfortable with an uncomfortable conversation.
If you're worried about somebody, ask them.
Listen without judgement.
Take their answer seriously.
And help them find the right support.
Sometimes it's about having that honest conversation - the one that allows somebody to finally tell you what's really happening and helps them take the next step towards getting support.
Looking for counselling support?
If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, emotional overwhelm or something in your life that has become difficult to manage alone, counselling may be able to help.
If you would like to find out more about counselling with me, please get in touch.
Email: reynoldscounselling@outlook.com
Phone: 07459150349
Please note that my counselling service is not an emergency or crisis service. If you or someone else is in immediate danger or unable to stay safe, call 111, 999 or attend your nearest A&E. Samaritans are available free, 24 hours a day, on 116 123.
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